Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Women On The Telly Who You’re Not Meant To Fancy But I Do, Sort Of (Part 2)

After the very successful Part 1 of this impromptu series I thought it was time to broaden the playing field somewhat with a well timed Part 2... So here we go...

1) Anna Maxwell Martin

Anna Maxwell MartinIt was Anna’s Little Dorrit that first caught my eye. A little mousy in the early stages, constrained by Dickensian reserve, but then the wallflower became a sunflower and Anna blazed across the screen with a wonderfully plummy red-haired glow. From there on she has staked a major claim in period TV drama and looks as divine in tweed as she does in whale-bone. I think what I like about Anna is her slight, almost imperceptible lisp. It should distract a little from her actorly enunciations but actually it doesn’t. She sounds as polished and as vocally rounded as the head girl from Mallory Towers and as up for a midnight feast as the best of them (with lashings of cream). I don’t know what it is about Anna – she has an “auntie” feel about her even though she’s not particularly old. I feel like she should be an auntie to somebody. Anybody. Preferably me. The kind that waits until you turn 18 and then seduces you in black lingerie and turns you into a man.

We’ve all had that fantasy, right?

No? Just me?

Was that too weird? Oh well, never mind.

Onto number 2) Sarah Millican

Sarah MillicanI think it’s the accent. Geordie or Mackem, I’m not sure but the way she says “pet” makes me wants to sit up and beg. And I like her glasses. Big, bold, glasses that say proudly, “I am wearing big glasses and I’m proud of it – none of this John Lennon steel-rimmed nonsense that disappear into your face; I’m wearing chunky framed glasses ‘cos I’m as blind as a bat without ‘em. Deal with it. Pet.” And I like her smile (which for some reason I find reminiscent of Morrissey – yes, bit of an oxymoron there: Morrissey and smiling but run with me on this one please). And I like the fact that she’s big. She’s a big girl. A big real girl with an anti-size-zero metabolism. And she’s funny. But never in a nasty way. There’s something unassuming about her and yet she does stand-up comedy. There’s a possible conflict there but it kind of works. And she strikes me as honest and homely. A proper girl next door. The kind that, if you asked her to lend you a cup of sugar (a) it would actually be sugar and none of this Canderel bollocks and (b) she’d throw in a couple of teabags as well and possibly a couple of well sized baps from Greggs. Dinner and a show. Who could ask for more?

And baps lead me nicely onto number 3) Mel Giedroyc

Mel GiedroycOh Mel. Mel Mel Mel. In my twenties I worshipped at your student-chic shrine. I loved Light Lunch. I was working part-time and used to be home in time to watch it religiously. Mel & Sue (Perkins) were my ultimate two-girl fantasy. But much as I adore Sue (and I do adore Sue) it was Mel I could see myself setting up home with and having babies with. Now, of course, after disappearing off our screens to set up home and have kids with someone else (Mel – how could you? I was here for you, woman!) she’s back on the telly once again in The Great British Bake Off (were my baking trays sub-standard, Mel? Did I not knead my sour-dough hard enough for you?) accompanied by the gloriously quirky Sue Perky. Look at Mel’s eyes. They are perfect. They are eyes that the phrase “limpid pools” was invented for. So soft and kind and yet sparked through with a naughty sense of humour. And she likes cakes. She loves cakes. What is there not to love? Mel can batten down on my Battenberg any day of the week. Mel, it might be a good decade since I was in my twenties but still I dream of being baked off by you. And I bet you have a gorgeous little AGA to boot...

So there we have it. Three more unlikely but not so unlikely (when you think about it) sirens who I think are some kind of wonderful. This post was brought to you not in a spirit of gratuitous sexual gratification but in the spirit of celebrating real women and real womanhood. I haven’t done it for me. I’ve done it for you. I’ve done it for feminism and women’s lib and equal opportunities.

I’ve done it for...

Oh sod it.

I’ve done it for sexual gratification and equal opportunities.

So Sue me. Sue me good and proper.

(And yes, that means you, Perkins.)

Sue Perkins



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28 comments:

Nota Bene said...

I have neither heard of nor seen these three women - they certainly don't appear on Superbabes xxx TV.

Steve said...

Nota Bene: you, er.. couldn't tell me the channel number for that, could you? Is it on Virgin Media?

About Last Weekend said...

Makes a nice change to the botoxed-out pneumatically enforced blondes they go for here in the states. A red-head! A bespeckled (sp?) brunette! Perfect.

Steve said...

About Last Weekend: I might not have a lot of things but one thing I do have is great taste.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Sue Perkins! Hahahahaha! What's she going to do - give you a prostate massage? It was only a matter of time before you revealed your inner catamite! Let it all hang out, man, it's good for your soul!

Steve said...

Gorilla Bananas: I sense a snide bitterness in your proclamation. Did Sigourney Weaver spurn you?

Very Bored in Catalunya said...

Wow, you're openly admitting to watching, nay enjoying, Light Lunch.

Staggered.

Hannah Denski said...

Well... Guess this one's hard for me to agree with as I prefer boys / men... But I give you this- I have my own list of unusual 'fancies' of my own... Perhaps I'll share via blog one day... : )

Steve said...

Very Bored in Catalunya: I am openly admitting to loving Light Lunch. And to having Mel and Sue's autograph.

Hannah: please do. Such admissions are good for the soul!

Michelle Twin Mum said...

You have had me chuckling away. Good to read about a man who likes 'rel' women!

Long time no visit.

Mich x

Steve said...

Michelle: is there any other type but real women?

TimeWarden said...

Just before Anna played Esther Summerson in Bleak House (Claire Foy was Little Dorrit, a few years later), Miss M 'n' M first caught my eye in - yes you guessed it - Doctor Who! She played Suki in The Long Game, Christopher Eccleston's middle episode. Nasty Simon Pegg, as The Editor, finished her off!!

Marginalia said...

Sarah Millican...It's her accent, her wit and her ..well...her lusciousness. She reminds me of a plate of chips with loads of vinegar wrapped in the Whippets News and Pigeon Fanciers Herald.

She's all that's best in brown ale and leek pie. I could eat her.

As for the rest - southern softies all of them!

Trish @ Mums Gone To... said...

Isn't Sarah Millican just lovely? Her DVD is a hoot; got it for Christmas.

Steve said...

TimeWarden: I remember the episode but don't remember her in it. I shall have to dig out the DVD!

Marginalia: who says there's no North / South divide!

Trish: I will keep an eye out for it on Amazon!

Suburbia said...

You know Steve, after your previous totty posts, I am wondering if the sun may have got to you?!!

Jon said...

I'm not sure what to make of this. I think you might be cheapening these ladies by turning them into sex objects, or you are watching too much TV. That said, I agree with you about Perkins.

Steve said...

Suburbia: wibble wibble.

Jon: hands off, she's mine.

Rol said...

You get my vote, Steve.

Erm... in the post above, not this one. If you were on the telly, I wouldn't fancy you. Honest.

Steve said...

Rol: liar.

John Gray said...

the link loaded now!
sarah milligan
what a fox
and funny too!!!!!!!

Steve said...

John: yay! And you are so right!

Löst Jimmy said...

I'm not sure who Ms Millican is?
I'll vote for you in the blog thingy awards

Have a good weekend

Steve said...

Löst Jimmy: Ms Millican currently has her own show on BBC2 - well worth a looksee. Thank you for your vote!

Being Me said...

You should hear my list of fancies. Not least on the list of which is Billy Connolly.... I have my reasons.

Voted, kind sir. Hopefully you're a shoe-in.

Steve said...

Being Me: Billy Connolly?!? It's the swearing, right?

Keith said...

With you all the way my man. Three damn fine women.

Do you remember the Light Lunch where Dawn French did a cookery spot with the two girls ? There was copious breast cupping that has stayed in my ( sewer ) mind ever since.

Looking forward to part 3 of this topic.

Steve said...

Keith: I so remember that episode! Dawn jiggled Mel's breasts and then Mel returned the favour. I nearly choked on my pastie. What a fabulous TV moment. I keep looking for it on YouTube...!