Sunday, February 11, 2007

Virgin Uma Downloads My Bits

To my everlasting shame and chagrin (given their totally pisspoor service) I have to admit to being an NTL customer. It is a cross I’ve borne with many a complaint over the last 7 years. I’ve stuck with them through thick and thin (or rather thin and thin) simply because I’ve heard loads of equally horrific customer-service related stories about every other ISP in the country so what was the point of changing? Better the devil, etc.

I’ve grinned and borne it. Even grunned and beared it. For 7 long years.

But help is now at hand. Virgin has bought out / merged with NTL to create a brand spanking new service called Virgin Media. They’re promising great things. They’re eradicating the name NTL in a vain attempt to eradicate the shame. They’re promising better customer service. They’re promising first class delivery of life’s essentials - better telephones, better TV, better broadband.

But most of all they’re promising Uma Thurman.

Their advertising campaign is currently hitting TV screens nationwide. It’s classy. It’s sexy. It’s Uma with a capital Ummmmmm!

Yes, Richard Branson has got Uma Thurman – coolest woman in Hollywood – to endorse his new media-tastic venture. The man’s undoubtedly a tosser but at times like these it’s just about possible to bathe in his massive toss fall-out and consider it worth while just to get your share of the glory that is Uma. Hell, you can have a bath later, can’t you? Or a cold shower if needs be?

Anyway, forget all the improved service crap and the money for old rope; the adverts plainly state that I can download Uma Thurman as many times as I want.

In fact Uma says so herself with that smoulderingly lethal look that finished off David Carradine in Kill Bill.

Now this is a service I will gladly pay for.

As I type I am eagerly awaiting the delivery of my brand new modem. It’s gonna have to be a big ‘un cos Uma’s a big girl. I’m not sure yet where I’m going to put her but my God am I going to have fun squeezing her in…

I’m polishing my sword as I speak. No word of a lie.

Richard Branson… occasionally, you’re a gent.


Anonymous said...

Uma Thurman is a very beautiful woman but the person who provided the lighting in the Virgin adverts ought to be shot cos he's made her look like a bug-eyed fish with scraggly hair! I honestly thought she was going to morph into Richard Branson...

Leon H said...

Have to say I agree with you about Ms Thurman... she can download my bits anyday!