Sunday, February 11, 2007
Virgin Uma Downloads My Bits
I’ve grinned and borne it. Even grunned and beared it. For 7 long years.
But help is now at hand. Virgin has bought out / merged with NTL to create a brand spanking new service called Virgin Media. They’re promising great things. They’re eradicating the name NTL in a vain attempt to eradicate the shame. They’re promising better customer service. They’re promising first class delivery of life’s essentials - better telephones, better TV, better broadband.
But most of all they’re promising Uma Thurman.
Their advertising campaign is currently hitting TV screens nationwide. It’s classy. It’s sexy. It’s Uma with a capital Ummmmmm!
Yes, Richard Branson has got Uma Thurman – coolest woman in Hollywood – to endorse his new media-tastic venture. The man’s undoubtedly a tosser but at times like these it’s just about possible to bathe in his massive toss fall-out and consider it worth while just to get your share of the glory that is Uma. Hell, you can have a bath later, can’t you? Or a cold shower if needs be?
Anyway, forget all the improved service crap and the money for old rope; the adverts plainly state that I can download Uma Thurman as many times as I want.
In fact Uma says so herself with that smoulderingly lethal look that finished off David Carradine in Kill Bill.
Now this is a service I will gladly pay for.
As I type I am eagerly awaiting the delivery of my brand new modem. It’s gonna have to be a big ‘un cos Uma’s a big girl. I’m not sure yet where I’m going to put her but my God am I going to have fun squeezing her in…
I’m polishing my sword as I speak. No word of a lie.
Richard Branson… occasionally, you’re a gent.